Drop your cocks and grab your socks....Today... is Friday! There will be a magic show at zero-nine-thirty!
Brewmaster Chris will tell you about how the free world will conquer terrorism with the aid of God and a few beers! God has a hard-on for beer because it tastes so good when it hits your lips! To show our appreciation for so much power, we keep the fridge packed with fresh cases! God was here before beer! So you can give your heart to Jesus, but your ass belongs to the Hops! Do you ladies understand?
Outfuckingstanding!!
You will not spill, you will not cry, you will learn by the numbers, I will teach you! It is your drinker's instinct which must be harnessed if you expect to survive in brewhouse. Your glass is only a tool. It is a hard liver that kills. If your drinking instincts are not clean and strong you will hesitate at the moment of truth. You will not drink. You will become sober and then you will be in a world of shit because a fridaybeers guy is not allowed to sober without permission. Do you maggots understand?
Sound off like you got a pair!... Well, I'll be damned. You DON'T have a pair!
If you ladies drink at my brewery, if you survive beer training, you will be a weapon. You will be a minister of drunken coolness. But until that day you are pukes. You are the lowest form of life on Earth. You are not even human, fucking beings. You are nothing but unorganized grabastic pieces of amphibian shit. Because I am drunk you will not like me. But the more you drink the more you will learn. I am drunk but I can stand. There is no racial bigotry here. I do not look down on niggers, kikes, wops or greasers. Here you are all equally worthless. And my orders are to weed out all non-drinkers who do not pack the gear to drink my beloved beer. Do you maggots understand that?
Tonight, you men will sleep with your beer. You will give your beer a girl's name because this is the only pussy you people are going to get. Your days of finger-banging ol' Mary J. Rottencrotch through her pretty pink panties are over! You're married to this glass. This weapon of barley and hops. And you will be faithful.
Pray!!
"This is my Beer. There are many like it but this one is mine. Beer is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life. Without beer, my glass is useless. Without beer I am useless. I must drink my glass dry . I must pour straighter than my friends, who are trying to spill on me. I must drink mine before he drinks his. I will. Before God I swear this creed: my beer and myself are drinkers of the kegs, we are the masters of the hops, we are the saviors of life. So be it, until there is no beer, only empties. Amen."
